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Woo woo Wiley-
What exactly is Mercury retrograde and what should I do during it?
Dear MR WWW-
It is when the big weasel in the sky decides to spin this one planet back, so things actually go partly back in time. Weasels from your past pop up. Weasels stall your sh*t from happening.
You must hide inside until it’s over. Lock the doors, pull down the shades. Wear vintage clothing. Remember, go with it, go retro. Bring back fads from the past, like rave and keyboard music. Wait, that’s already been done. This Nu Rave thing. It’s like being stuck in perma mercury retro.
Oh, also, stay away from all fish. They might have a little mercury in them.
Ahhhhhhhhhhhh. Thanks for your question. I have to go get myself committed now. Visions of glow sticks are bouncing around my head.
Dear Wiley-
Why is it women who hang around each other a lot start having their periods at the same time?
Dear S&M-
Are you female? Keep talking to me. We should talk everyday. I have every other woman who reads this blog lined up with my time of the month. They hang out with my Aunt Flo.
It’s the same with men and women. Some like to travel in packs. These packs start dressing the same, eating the same food, having the same tastes. So naturally, chicks have their periods in unison. Misery loves company. Eat Midol is a community activity. Men just have daisy chains. Go figure.
Hey Wiley-
What is the deal with music festivals like Glastonbury and Coachella, etc.?
Dear MF-
It’s really something to do, somewhere to show case your fashion sense between February and October fashion shows, kinda like the Bedford platform of the L-train. These festivals are usually late Spring, summer…
It’s really a huge contest to see how many bracelets you can get on your hand: backstage, vip, invite only parties. It’s a whole lotta plastic going on.
Festival goers, remember to cut your special bracelets in half so poor little birdies won’t get their feet caught in them and die.
Glastonbury is an excuse to wear high boots when it’s not super cold. I guess people in LA don’t even need a festival to do that- they wear fur lined Uggs when it’s 105 degrees F out- you know who you are. Fashion vs. Temperature. Fashion always slugs out the competition somehow.
Bands? oh yeah- no one pays attention to them. We’re too busy getting goodies in the VIP beer garden.
So Wiley,
Since the bible gave a clear desription of jesus being of african descent then why is he in pictures white?
Dear AK-
That is the angloization of Jesus to sell more trinkets to silly white people. Because they usually have the mental capacity to only identify with someone who looks like them, the powers that be duped them into this that you described. The Vatican likes to have lots of gift shops around. Trinkets are just more stuff white people like.
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