From Strolling in my Sleep

Wiley!

I wake up feeling all crazy.  I don’t know what I’ve been up to the night before.  It’s not that I get drunk and black out or anything.  I awaken all black and blue and don’t know how the bruises got there. 

How do I find out what my subconscious is up to?

 

Dear Sleepy Smurf-

What you do is strap one of those small usb-digi video cameras to your head.  Get out your old 5th grade orthodontic head gear strap to secure it.  Press record when you lay down.

If anything, you’ll have one of those post-modern artsy videos of sleeping, like those videos that play in the lobby of The Standard Hotel by the elevators or like one Andy Warhol made.  Or you may have yourself a Tommy & the then Pammy Lee video where you get it on.  The bruises are most likely just from rough sex you didn’t know you were engaging in when passed out.

Either way, you can get cash for this!  You can turn your affliction into gold.  Post everything on the internet.  I look forward to seeing some of your films soon.